SONS OF JUSTICE OR ANARCHY

As an 18 year student, when I walked into Jadavpur University, I was scared to death. I was scared as this was my dream. Although if I tell this today, everybody may feel that I am lying but I am not. Before the Joint Entrance Examination counseling I had no clue that there is a field called Mechanical Engineering. You can blame it on my ignorance or lack of knowledge about google or internet or the small world I was living in. For me IITs were heaven and Jadavpur was semi-heaven. I had an assumption that everything is Jadavpur was good. It really did not matter, which stream I get in. All that mattered was getting there. So, when after standing in the line outside a “Cyber Café” to see my result, I got to it, I was elated to joy seeing that rank of 459 by my name. In the counseling room my private tutor, who knew all about everything told me that Mechanical Engineering is good and I was getting that I should go for it. I asked that what does a Mechanical Engineer do and I was told that they make cars, bridges etc. In a nut shell everything that are mechanized are made by them. I walked into Jadavpur University (JU) with awe, reverence and fear and happiness.

I must say that getting to JU from home was an adventure in itself. I got to go to Kolkata for the first time on my own. Girls were my batchmates (there was not a single girl in our “Mechanical” batch). Then there was free smoking all around and of course a union room, where everything can be possible. Within few days I was appointed class representative and got to know what student politics is. I must confess that before JU I was afraid of student politics but after getting to this I realized, what it meant. To me student politics, before JU, was a simple affair of brawl without any instigation but 2005 taught me that politics at JU was different. It was constructing something new and making something better.

Those who are unaware of 2005 incident, let me give you a recap. 5 students were wrongly expelled. Then we boycotted the exam and this was our decision, which was not made by Union (Amit was the G.S. at that time.Those who does not know Amit, Parag, Chitrita (the office bearers of Union at that time), should get to learn about them. They were the brightest students but gave up their career for ideologies and I am lucky to work with them during these movements). I remember that we were at the JU field and having our general body meeting, where we unanimously decided to boycott the exam and finally after lots of trouble, we got them out. However, in that process we never harmed anybody, not to speak of any physical abuse or vandalizing to anything. We did not have social media but we had our determination, love and belief that we are doing something good and we got our friends unscathed. I believed in student politics. I believed in JU. The last days were painful as first time I felt the actual pain of leaving my true self behind. JU made me rational, positive and all the positive things that can happen to a 22 year old after 4 years of stay. After that every single time I went back to India, I always ran back to JU.

But things were different. My friends, who stayed back at JU told me that JU has changed. The second time I also felt the same. Students were not playing pingpong. Fields were empty, where only outsiders were playing cricket. I also heard that students have boycotted the exam for the silliest of reasons. Few years back they even slapped a constable in duty for Chief Minister and after that they cried foul and started a movement. I also heard another story, where a female office bearer wanted to proclaim the fact that the union condone ragging and she was bullied by the very students, whom she was representing. She was even called a ‘whore’, ‘cunt’ etc. Being ashamed, she resigned. The next story is even more interesting. One of my friend’s brother liked a girl, whose boyfriend was close to the Union and some feminist groups. He made sure that my friend’s brother, get prosecuted under the charge of sexual harassment for no fault and this poor kid almost became suicidal and it took almost a month to get him back to his normal self. I realized that the JU I loved is not the same. Then I heard about the recent incident. Initially my spinal response asked me to speak in favour of the students but given all these last incidents, which were not covered some panel discussions of ABP Ananda made me dig a little deeper.

I heard conflicting stories. I heard many versions but I found only one thing that there is nothing constructive. The Union wanted the VC to give an official statement but on being asked by Telepgraph, the G.S. of the Union said that he did not want to comment on an ongoing investigation but he wants the VC to do so. I think that this is called double standard. Those students under charge told that how they were misdirected by the union (published in Telegraph http://www.telegraphindia.com/1140929/jsp/calcutta/story_18883932.jsp#.VF70jflpf2E ) Then I came across this video on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=654414458008172 . In these days of social experiment, I did one. I pasted this video on every single forum supporting #hokkolorob and in all the cases either my post was deleted or the conversation ceased. Then I talked with a guy over the phone supporting this agitation over the phone and he proudly told that they are reliving the history of 2005. I was pissed to see that our noble cause is being compared to this ******* but I politely asked him several times that what constructive things they achieved. He could not answer me.

That is the problem. Nobody ever thought what they want and whose blood they are going after. I am not in favour of the VC but for the fact that there are better alternatives but I do not see a point in using this event for that. Is JU really gaining anything other than bad name and loss of dignity? There was a time when if in a crowded train anybody knew that I am from JU, they would have offered me his seat. Today, I call people, who are not associated with JU asks me that what is wrong with JU. I feel ashamed. I feel helpless. The very student politics, which I idolized post 2005, brought me back to square one. I know that this blog will draw flaks just like the fact that the son of VC was heckled recently in a Durgapuja in USA. But I really can’t stop asking this to my fellow Jadavpurians- Do you really have a solid constructive goal or is it just another anarchist movement?

The beauty of texting

Writing a blog on cell phone screen is definitely fun and a brand new experience. But I kind of liked it because of its uniqueness and when I am traveling on a metra train with mind full of wild storms. Something which I never felt before. Some experienced may tell that this is because I am inexperienced in this case but whatever it is I do not buy that. Anyways let's not get digressed from the topic. People day that with time we change and what changes is outlook towards life. One such thing is text messaging. I do not like texting as I feel that it do not catch the feeling to a great extent. However given things with my life over last one month I will gladly take back my statement. Somehow I feel that one of the greatest invention of today's smartphone is to keep SMS in strings where you can read with and date them back to the moment. This is quite interesting as you can relate your fantasies  with all those messages even when you are not 100% sure if the person really means that. However as always I like to associate the sweetest dreams to them, which most of the times hurt me. However I will still prefer to stick  to my dreams because although it hurts it feels good associate your feelings. That is the irony that things that I generally did not like stay making more sense and appeal more. That is the beauty of texting.

Collage of Chiaroscuro

Transferring from the realm of microblogging in the format of facebook and twitter, I am finding it increasingly difficult for me to find the energy to write a well constructed blog, which I used to do at ease even a year back. However, this time sitting in India even being inundated by the swamp of work, from which I wanted to run away keeps on engulfing me owing the thanks to my under rooted and unfathomable desire to stay connected in the format of e-mails and phone calls, I decided to write this one to vent the steam out. Somehow, this desire to stay on top of the tiger I am riding and the fear of getting down from its back so that I do not get eaten up by it continues to block all my humane nature. But this time visit to India was so refreshing. I guess that I am not writing coherently. I may got entrapped in the slumber fear and hope, dancing in the shades and residing in the collage of chiaroscuro. Please bear with me. Next paragraph will be a better one I guess.

People longs to live in USA. There are many reasons-- good work culture, comfortable life, cars, high purchasing power -- all these with a topping of the proud feeling that I live in THE AMERICA. I always asked the question as to how much all these really matter and I will not deny that even with all my conscious efforts to keep my head at ground level somewhere inside me I was fueled with the vanity. So, I came to India this time with an obnoxious attitude of looking down upon every single thing that is Indian. I started taking everything for granted. People told me that now I have become more composed but I knew somewhere down there this composure was just pure vanity popping out and masked with the self composure. A week after that suddenly an incident woke me up from the daydream and thumped right on my face the reality and made me realize the attraction of being american.

I was in a bus going to the gym. The conductor asked me for my fare while I was looking outside watching a group of young kids playing carefreely with no strings attached. The whole scene became more intense with the monotonic voice of a salesman fruitlessly trying to sell toffees. All these immediately struck me like a thunder and made me realize what I miss over there. I miss my life over there. I miss the attitude of being carefree but at the some time careful. I realize that what I love the most being in USA is a sadist type of love of being lonely so that no outside perturbation can touch me and the only thing that I remain accountable to is to my job. It may sound stupid but sometimes leaving without adrenaline rush is most probably the best possible thing that one wants. Somehow it is very disturbing for me to accept that a incident of shooting in USA does not cause any feeling, whereas the minutest trouble in India makes me feel to shout against it. It is most probably the insulation that america created inside me. However, I am not sure when I can leave USA (although I still believe that it is one of the best possible places on earth to stay). Living in this collage of chiaroscuro of my two entities is most probably one of the toughest decision. That is the  reason, I am writing this blog in the middle of night even when I have tons of work to finish.

Proud to be Indian--- Seriously?????

Like every 15th August India again celebrated its Independence day. During my schooldays these days meant waking up early in the morning, parading as a member of white guard, inspirational musics, lectures, tiffin prepared by our school bakery. Then while coming back home, we knew there will be the same movie, Roja, being played every year on TV, which never grew older and boring. In a single word, except the pain of waking up early the overall experience had always been an experience of enjoyment with an enviable topping of self pride about my country's history. Times change and celebration also changed. What was an eventful celebration turned into a facebook event with page filled with updates showing-- "Happy Independence Day", Pictures of national flag being profile picture and on top of that "I am proud to be Indian"..... Hold on. Are you serious?? What happened in last couple of years that you feel to be proud of?

Are we really proud to be Indian? Of late, I am getting utterly confused with this statement because as I am getting older the concept of country is becoming clearer to me. A country is not only the landscape, sea, desert, hill, forts, temples, mosques etc. but the people living there makes it a country. So, if I am proud to be Indian, what should I be proud of? The answer is obviously the countrymen.  What normal things (forget about great/good, let's consider even the normal things) they have done, which can make me proud? We always talk about Indian Cultures and traditions. If national telecast of molestation, burning of human being, ailing police officer becomes a breaking news and sensational content, which mentality of my countrymen I should be proud of?? We feel proud to be a part of largest democracy, which I have serious doubts forcing me to call it as "World's Larges Democratic Circus". How can we be proud of it, when we all know the inefficacy of the "Prime (CEO)" in tackling problems not to argue about his cleanliness? How can we call it a democracy, which does not teach us to ask proper question to every single corruptive movement of the goons, the problems? People may argue me saying that we definitely ask questions. Yes we as k questions like- "How many porn movies Sunny Leone is going to act now on every year after her Bollywood debut?" or "Why Mr. Hazare will join politics?" but we will never ask-- "Why there was no chargesheet against Kalmadi?", or, "How Govt. can justify its position for recent scams", or a deeper one "Was the appointment Pranab Mukherjee as President was a way to remove him from Finance Ministry to let P. Chidambaram play his havoc as he did through participatory note??". We are  also proud to be secular. Are we really? If so, when a riot happens, why never speak about Muslim fanatic attitude? Why we are shy of kicking out illegal Bangladeshi immigrants and rather play minority game? Why we will never understand that most of the Muslims also do not like what few of these fanatic Muslims do? Why we will never question the route in which Christian Missionaries are spreading Christianity in South India by flowing money?? Why even seeing the imminent dangers of fanatic attitude being on the rise we will not take action?

Indian culture, secularity, democracy and history- these are the 4 pillars based on which we feel proud to be Indians. Out of which, only our rich history stands out and others are some fake pillars, which either never existed or had started fading away. 

I never felt bad about the fact that my India lags behind in many aspects but I have started feeling very pessimistic seeing the fact that we instead of identifying the problems, just kept on making it stronger and stronger. Which India I should be proud of?? Is it the India whose culture was reared  up by our ancestors or the India, which is growing a passive and self destructive attitude very fast??

Seven Sins (?????)

Hindu mythology has always been an object of enigma and wonder for me. I spent a significant part of my childhood days reading and dreaming about mythological characters. At my childhood days they were symbolized or visualized more as Ramanand Sagar made us visualize!!! However, now a days when I think about those stories, I realize that although my visualizations were mostly covered with childhood fantasies but the morals are becoming more and more relevant to me now a days. One of the best part of which was seven sins- lust, anger, greed, gluttony, wrath, envy, pride. Later in my life through the hands of Brad Pitt starrer "Seven", I learnt the existence of seven deadly sins are not unique descriptions of Hindu mythology. Rather somehow different civilizations identified them from times immemorial. I always believed that they are truly seven deadly sins but somehow the very basis of this time asks me a basic question are they truly considered to be sin in our lives.

The reason is very simple. Let's look at our society (I AM NOT CALLING IT CIVILISATION AS I HAVE SERIOUS DOUBT ABOUT THE THIS TITLE). The whole society is based on these seven sins. We need to have these seven sins to prosper our society. We need to have greed to have to have the drive the society leading to gluttony cultivating pride giving birth to lust and loss of which results in wrath and anger, which collectively propel the society in the name of societal. So, if seven deadly sins are so pivotal to society, why will they be touted as sins instead of seven virtues?

Off late I started realizing why people make black, abstract and twisted movies. A few days back I started watching a movie called "Cape Karma", which I definitely started watching for its soft porn quotient but it ended up to be very instructive. In that movie the main protagonist gets stuck on the road and then suddenly on the road he sees a door, which he opens and enters but finds that there was nothing on the other side and then the door disappears but after that he starts getting drowned in the murkier side of life. I guess our lives' thrive for development is very much like standing in front of the door. We are curious like the protagonist to open the door and cross and then............. It is a very fine balance indeed. Which side I am on????

A curious case of defects

When I started reading materials science during my undergrad, one of my professors once said me, "Materials are all about defects. Some defects make some of them better and attractive than the other". That sentence struck me immensely. When I started taking portraits, I found that some faces are much better than others to photograph. In fact the funniest fact is that in most of the cases the pretty portrait holders are not perfect and a perfect faced person most often are the hardest to make any justice. I realized that it is their defects that make them more attractive than others and make them "better and attractive than the other". I found these somewhat defects more attractive than others to photograph. This curious case of defects does not even stop in photograph.
Somehow, I never liked perfect people in my life. I feel that they do not have the spice to spice up our lives. In short they are very boring and having such a perfect digital comparative system inside me I always try to avoid them for their zero signal. However, with pictures I realize what is the reason but with people things were somewhat jeopardizing for me. Somehow, I think off late I am getting little bit hang of this. Through out my childhood days I have always heard people saying that one should try to be perfect and being the eldest son of the family, the immense desire to become the ideal of the younger never let me do those crazy things, which I would have loved to do. Sometimes I feel that being good boy is quite boring. However, these extreme people, whom I like helps in filling these gaps and I am very lucky to have them.
There was a time, when I wanted to look for perfect people. Now I realize that what a fool I was and how much time I wasted in that search. I love my favourite defective people around me and I urge them not to change their defects. They are beautiful with their defects. Their defects are far more attractive than the perfect people. They make this world a much better place to live.

Life is like a changing glass

Finally I came back to my favourite hobby, which I may not do the best like my other hobbies but I prefer doing it, of blogging. I took a hiatus for almost 6 months as plenty of things kept on happening. My graduation, change of course and pace of life along with it etc. kept on bombarding on me. Besides I lost the charm for writing. Someone told me , "why do you waste so much time in writing, which may never be appreciated?" Suddenly I started feeling that this is true and I should make better use of my times. I stopped blogging with an excuse that I am awfully busy. Then few days back I was chatting with one of my friends and she told me that I should have some times for hobbies, which struck me immensely and I realised that I always believed in the philosophy that we know someone better by his/her mindless work not by the well calculated work he/she does.

Anyways, couple of days back one of my friends asked me, "Now, after finishing your doctorate, how do you feel?". It was a very pertinent question but I did not have any fruitful answer or something that can make any sense and it suddenly made me feel that I really grew up. I felt that I have to change the glass through which I used to see my world.

The reason of comparing life with changing glass may seem somewhat out of place or out of context but I did not find any better alternative. In my school days some how I was more cornered in the mass of serious classmates. I never could understand that how someone can be more interested in books than playing in the field. I remember once I was shocked, when I asked one of my classmates if he likes studying and he replied positively. To me studying was something that I have to do for my parents as they want me to. So, somehow their push put me into engineering. Then I was happy as I can finish my studies at the end of four years but against my desperate aspiration of quitting studies I jumped into the world of studying indefinitely and I started loving it and finished my doctorate.

However, this 'change of power of glass' was little as compared to the feeling that I realized few weeks back as some incident made me feel that I am now turning 27. Before that I never felt that I grew up from undergrad days. A quantum leap from 22 to 27 felt so bad. I realized that I never wanted to grow up and leave my life of mischievousness of poking others, looking at pretty faces and dreaming about dating her, speaking nonsense all the time, doing all the mindless things that I wanted to do, listening to euphoria, bryan adams, lucky ali and cherishing the dream of becoming a rockstar one day. I am hating this ideology of looking at this world through the glass of mature people.

However, this is impending but I have to keep on changing this glass with sunglass even if it is for a short time by doing mindless things that I like to do. Few days back I listened to this song, which echoed this same feeling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpUIcSRDZ04